New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
