remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I am spending my child support on dildos
Do vagina's smell?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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