how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
