I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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