Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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