last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I just gargled with NyQuil
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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