After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
