I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I just found a bag of teeth...
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
