Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
