U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
