This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
