ya dads aren't the best wingmen
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
