I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
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