As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
