im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
