Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
