when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
she smelled like a LAN party
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
