Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
