Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
