proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
