i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
