she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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