Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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