The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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