At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
