Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
