i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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