If i come over, it means nothing
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
