It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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