Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
