He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
