Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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