Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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