; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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