Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
