Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i would punch a child for taco bell
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
