i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Randomize
