Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
