When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
