my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
