I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
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He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
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Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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