So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
