he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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