My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
