Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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