All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
