Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
