i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
