Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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