i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
