im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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