It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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