Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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