I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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