SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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