Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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