so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm always down for nudity.
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