So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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