So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
