Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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