Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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