Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
