All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
