hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
