I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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