i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
