I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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