I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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