I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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