if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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