I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
