i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Sorry my hands just texted you
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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