You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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