Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
