We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
